Most Important Black TV Shows – #2 The Cosby Show
The Cosby Show, by almost any measure, was the definitive 80s sitcom. Based on the real life and stand up routine of Bill Cosby, the show revolved around the Huxtable family. Patriarch Dr. Cliff Huxtable, his lawyer wife Clair, and their five kids. A show that really doesn’t need much of an introduction, on to the tale of the tape…
Relevance: While comics like Richard Pryor and Redd Foxx made their name by telling jokes aimed square at the racial differences between us, Cosby’s humor was built more around being a father, a husband, and the ups and downs of family. I make this point again to say that while we all saw the superficial element, The Cosby Show rarely, if ever, addressed race in a direct way. The culture was always there from beginning to end, but with the success of the show wasn’t necessarily because of, nor in spite of the family being black. They just…were.
Legacy: Where to begin? Well, the direct ‘legacy’ of course was A Different World, which was impactful enough to earn its own place on this countdown. On the business side, The Cosby Show turned Thursday nights into “Must See Television” (not Friends or Seinfeld, The Cosby Show came first.) Speaking of Jerry Seinfeld, him and many, many other stand up comedians owe him a debt of gratitude for establishing the ‘stand up comedian turning his act into a sitcom’ genre. There are literally too many to name at this point, but The Cosby Show proved how successful that could be. Am I missing anything? Oh yes, in terms of why it stands where it stands on this countdown, for the vast number of black (and white) kids who had never seen a black doctor OR a black lawyer in their lives, The Cosby Show planted the idea in their heads that yes, it’s possible to have a black family like this. Can not be underestimated.
Craft: Nobody was ‘looking’ for a show like this, to have the impact it had, when it came out. Even in reruns and syndication, The Cosby Show holds up extremely well. I personally will always have a soft spot for the scene where Cliff educates Theo about finances using Monopoly money, but you can look through every season and find all kinds of (clean) and funny segments. If casting is 80 percent of the battle, then Phylicia Rashad, Lisa Bonet, Malcolm Jamal-Warner, Tempest Bledsoe, and Keisha Knight-Pulliam deserve all the credit in the world.
Crossover: The undisputed number one show in the ratings for a good five or six years (until The Simpsons came along). Winner of Emmys, Golden Globes, Image Awards. Cliff Huxtable still wins polls as the best TV dad ever. Not best black TV dad, best Dad. Nuff said.
Apollo: Come on now…
And on that note, I’m off to find me a woman and start my own Huxtable family. The most important Black TV show of all time next month.
Most Important Black Films – #2 Do the Right Thing
Spike Lee’s third film takes place on the hottest day of the summer in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, New York. I heard Spike say in an interview this week that while he didn’t know what he was doing on his first film, She’s Gotta Have It, and was finding his way with School Daze, with this film he finally felt like a ‘director’. And it shows.
On to the tale of the tape…
Relevance: Fade in on a solo jazz version of “Lift Every Voice and Sing.” Follow that up with Rosie Perez working it out to Public Enemy’s “Fight the Power” as the opening credits kick in. And that’s (literally) just the beginning…
Legacy: Yes, this was the film debut of Rosie Perez and Martin Lawrence, but is that really the first thing you think about with this film? As noted, this wasn’t Spike’s first film, and there were (and continue to be) black independent films with equally strong messages. But moreso than any other film of its generation, Do the Right Thing really put Spike Lee and modern black cinema on the map.
Craft: You know how you can watch a lot of 80s movies today and cringe at how dated they feel? Not this film. The 80s elements here feel (as they do in many classic films) as snapshots of the time they were created. Radio Raheem’s massive boom box. The box haircuts of Raheem and Mookie. The conversation about how certain black celebrities (and now President’s?) go beyond the racist definition of what a ‘n—er’ is. And how about the cast list? Ossie Davis, Ruby Dee, Samuel L. Jackson, Robin Harris, Danny Aiello, John Turturro, Frank Vincent…yes sir! And that’s just the talent in front of the camera!
Crossover: In a big way. The film was nominated for Oscars and Golden Globes, it made noise at the Cannes Film Festival, it was widely regarded as one of (if not) the best film of the year. Kim Basinger made a point at the Oscars to tell the worldwide audience that it’s a shame that Do the Right Thing wasn’t nominated for Best Picture. (And it was a shame. Spike’s never been close to winning an Oscar, how is that possible?) Anyway, the moral of the story is Spike Lee had arrived.
Apollo: In the event you the reader haven’t seen the film yet, I won’t ruin the biggest ‘Apollo’ moment of the film. Instead I’ll focus on the film’s coda: two very good quotes. The first from Dr. King, which references his belief that an eye for an eye eventually leaves everyone blind. The second from Malcolm, which argues that self-defense is not violence; as a matter of fact it’s common sense. The film does not in an explicit way express which way ‘is the right thing,’ it’s up to the viewer to decide for him or herself. An argument that can continue into infinity…
The film countdown ends shortly…
Most Important Black TV Shows – #3 Chappelle’s Show
Already one of the most popular stand up comedians working, Dave Chappelle would bring his mix of supreme silliness and racial comedy to cable television with Chappelle’s Show. There are those who would argue that the short life span of the show has raised its status to a level it didn’t deserve. And they may be right.
Or are they? Using five sketches from the show, let’s look at the tale of the tape…
Relevance: The opening skit of Chappelle’s Show was a mock episode of PBS’ Frontline. The episode was about one of the country’s leading white supremacists, Clayton Bigsby. Blind from birth, Bigsby’s work has made him a hero to the movement. There’s just, um, one minor detail no one has mentioned to Mr. Bigsby – he’s actually a black man himself. Filled with the kind of intelligent and dead-on satire that would define the show, this particular skit’s closing line said it all: “When I asked him (Bigsby) why he divorced his wife, he said, ‘Cause she’s a nigger-lover.’ WOW.
Legacy: Dave got criticized and ridiculed left and right for walking away from $50 million. One of the primary reasons he gave for quitting was feeling like some were no longer laughing with him, but laughing at him. A good example of the type of sketch he was referring to was the sketch about the white family whose last name just happened to be Nyggar. My father was a typical brother who grew up in the rural South during the 50s and 60s; I’ve only seen him laugh so hard he had to leave the room twice in my lifetime. The Nyggar Family was one of those times. On the flip side of the coin, I’ll never forget hanging out with some white acquaintances who felt like reciting the sketch for me, verbatim, and feeling absolutely paralyzed.
I say all this to say, from an artist point of view, especially a black artist, this may have been the best example in the history of the Industry of the hypothetical, ‘How much are you willing to pay for your soul?” (And I’ve heard Dave imply this exact sentiment and other interviews he’s given since the show ended).
Craft: There’s the racial humor like the two sketches above that are based on the historical racism blacks have had to deal with in this country. But where Chappelle’s Show really broke through was applying the Seinfeld/Cosby-esque everyday life humor through a black lens. We dark-skinned types have been known to have problems with dry skin. When the ‘World Series of Dice’ sketch introduced the world to Ashy Larry, it wasn’t the first or last time a character or joke on this show COMPLETELY overshadowed the sketch that created it. Marcy Son, What?!?
Crossover: So there was one particular catchphrase that just took pop culture by storm. In one particular episode, Charlie Murphy (Eddie’s older brother) told a series of stories about run-ins he had with a certain 70s/80s funk icon. Now there were at least five other great quotables from these stories (in no particular order, “Phuck yo’ couch!”, “We were called the Darkness Brothers, see, this was before Wesley Snipes…”, “Cocaine is hell of a drug…”, “They shoulda never given you niggas money!”, and of course, the absolute killer “What did the five fingers say to the face?”) The one that ruled them all though was the singer’s very over-the-top self-introduction. His name is on the tip of my tongue; what was it again?
Apollo: The style of comedy Chappelle does was custom made for this category (as if all the previous examples hadn’t illustrated that). To keep it simple, let’s go with the one everybody knows. It started as a biting (but funny) crack made by comedy legend Paul Mooney: “White people love Wayne Brady, because he makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X.” Fast forward to season 2, where Dave decided to ‘make peace’ and hang out with Wayne. From the moment you hear, “Oh shit! It’s Wayne Brady son!”, you already know it’s over. Wayne’s willingness to completely mock his own white bread, goody two shoes image won him points with everybody, and is still as funny today as it was the night it aired.
And…then there were two. The second most important TV show will be up shortly…
Most Important Black Films – #3 The Birth of a Nation
There is a little argument over the facts that surround The Birth of a Nation. It was the first ‘blockbuster’ of American cinema; the techniques introduced in this film by D.W. Griffith revolutionized the art of filmmaking. Some of the investors in this picture were Hollywood’s earliest moguls; the profits they earned back from this film, in essence, bankrolled Hollywood.
And then, there’s the racial element. This film was made during the silent era, so with the assistance of placecards used in the film, let’s go through the tale of the tape…
Relevance
“The bringing of the African to America planted the first seed of disunion.”
That, one of the opening cards, sets the tone for the film. The plot, for those unaware, revolves around two white families, one Northern and one Southern, and how the Civil War (and its causes) exposed the dark, ugly side of America (pun completely intended). And what causes might that be? How about the abolitionist movement and slavery, how about that?
Legacy
“The inspiration.”
This card was shown after the main character, the Southern gent who is disheartened by the Civil War loss and the corruption of Reconstruction, sees a pair of white kids scare off some pickaninnies (and they are pickaninnies) by wearing a white sheet and acting like ghosts. You can probably take the rest from there.
So many legacies were built off this one film. As said in the intro, it took the art of filmmaking to the next level. The money made from the film financed at least one major Hollywood studio. The black reaction was understandably hostile, the NAACP got the film banned in as many places as they had pull over. Way more important though, Oscar Micheaux was one (of many) filmmakers who decided the best way to counteract the negative portrayal of blacks in this film was for blacks to create their own films. So it’s very easy to argue that Birth of a Nation kickstarted black cinema.
Craft
“You are now the greatest power in America.”
This line, said by the Senator’s mulatto mistress after Lincoln’s assassination, segways back into the story. Why were blacks so offended (if you haven’t seen the movie)? Was it just the Ku Klux Klan? Um, no. There was the mulatto mistress, turned on by the power of the white men she was surrounded by. There’s the great scene where the blacks are at work as Senators for the first time. Among the highlights of this scene, eating chicken while debating a bill, Senators taking their shoes off and putting their bare feet on the desk, the sneaking of whiskey onto the floor, and the one bill they did manage to pass, legalizing interracial marriage (immediately followed by the biggest party ever portrayed on film by a group of Senators). And did I mention that all of the major black roles in this film were (obviously) played by white actors in blackface?
So black people had a few gripes with this film…
Crossover
“The former enemies of North and South are united again in common defence of their Aryan birthright.”
While President Woodrow Wilson would later claim he was ‘misquoted’ in his praise for the film, it is a fact that Birth of a Nation was the first film ever screened at the White House. Also a fact that more blacks were lynched during this period than any other period in history. Birth of a Nation put the Ku Klux Klan in the spotlight, leading to a tremendous spike in their membership. This film, debatably more than any other film in American history, taught all parties involved the immense power of this artform.
Apollo
“See! My people fill the streets. With them I will build a Black Empire and you as a Queen shall sit by my side.”
This line spoken by the villain of the film, the black Senator named (what else?) Lynch to the white heroine probably got more than a few brothers harassed (if not killed) in its day. As absurdly comical as that line is to me personally (I admit in 2009 I laughed out loud when I saw it and immediately memorized it to use when I get engaged), a lot of the gasoline behind the ‘why do black men lust after white women?’ debate can be found in this movie. Both in the main plot and in a subplot, black male characters proposition white women, and when they (of course) get shot down, the ‘brothas’ resort to force (or the threat of force) to get what they want. Thankfully in this day and age nobody’s bothered by a black man dating/marrying a white woman (hyper-sarcasm).
For those interested, Birth of a Nation is public domain, and can be downloaded for free (and legally) from any number of sites online. Required viewing for those interested in the art of film, or black/American history buffs.
Two films to go…
Battle Studies
When I last made the 24 hour road trip from KC to LA, my buddy overloaded me with all types of CDs (WAY more than I was expecting, but to be fair, on that long trip, I ended up listening to all of them). Mixed in among the music I was expecting, she burned me a CD by a guy whose name I was starting to hear more often: John Mayer. From the first time I heard Continuum, I became an instant fan, and it’s been a bonding point between me and her ever since. I’m Gonna Find Another You is, for me, one of the best ‘rebound with a smirk on my face’ songs of my lifetime.
So this week, Battle Studies came out and me and her have been texting back and forth about which songs we like and how we feel about the album over all. I think it’s nice overall, but I don’t think after the first couple of listens I have the instant charge I felt with Continuum. I do have a few favorites already though:
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All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye – From the very first time I heard this, I saw the video. The second track instantly jumped out at me as having a cinematic feel, and being a ‘John Mayer’ song. My current favorite from this album.
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Who Says – John says the whole album was written in a California state of mind. If the lead single doesn’t express that, I don’t know what does.
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Crossroads – One of those songs that makes me want to get in the car and just drive. I guess I’ll forever associate this cat with road trippin’.
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War of My Life – Not the first one to make this comment, and Lord knows I pull the same routine, but I hear a song like this and I wonder, ‘How is this the same cat I hear all the crazy Hollywood stories about?” Ah, the line between artistry and reality, gotta love it.
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Do You Know Me – Strong candidate for song ‘Most Likely to Appear on a Who is Malik?’ Playlist about a year from now. Another ‘John Mayer song’ by the way.
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Friends, Lovers, or Nothing – The man knows which song should close an album, doesn’t he? I hope I don’t have to bust this one out too many more times, but I can this one being on iPod playlists, or whatever it is the young people use these days to send ‘we’re over’ songs to each other.
Anyway I picked 6 songs on an album I liked. In this day and age if most anyone else had 6 songs I liked on one album they’d be getting blown through the roof. You’re set your own standard pretty high, Mr. Mayer. Good album though.
Most Important Black Films – #4 Boyz N The Hood
Boyz N The Hood was the debut film by writer/director John Singleton. The semi-autobiographical tale revolves around three young black men, Tre, Ricky, and Doughboy, and their daily lives growing up in South Central Los Angeles.
On to the tale of the tape…
Relevance: While the phrase ‘black film’ can take on many different meanings (as this countdown hopefully illustrates), Boyz N The Hood is the type of film that is universally agreed to represent the ultimate prototype. Black director, black writer, black cast, black soundtrack, black setting, black story. Spike had already proven there was a modern audience for black film; in mimicking the rise of West Coast hip hop, John opened America’s eyes to a very real ‘street’ sensibility that was getting louder and prouder.
Legacy: So many careers and trends can be traced to this film. John Singleton obviously, but also Ice Cube, Morris Chestnut, Nia Long, and Cuba Gooding Jr. started their rise with this film. The good and bad ‘hood’ films (Menace II Society, and countless others) wouldn’t have gotten made without Boyz. While Spike was the clear pioneer, John’s success told both Hollywood and future filmmakers that there was room for more than one black storyteller at a time. That might be the greatest legacy.
Craft: Rewatching it years later, there are points where the film is undeniably ‘preachy’. (And the Wayans absolutely slaughtered this point to death in their parody, Don’t Be a Menace). That aside, the film’s structure is fairly classical. Three brothers, one undeniably good (Tre), one undeniably bad (Doughboy), and one good who has some ties to the bad (Ricky). The presence of the father figure (Furious) is somewhat on the nose, but no one can take away from the great performance of Laurence Fishburne.
Crossover: Without a doubt. Boyz N The Hood was on its own regard a crossover phenomenon. John Singleton became the first African-American, and the youngest person of any color to be nominated for Best Director. As referenced in the Legacy section, Ice Cube has gone from Doughboy to the star of Are We There Yet? Anyone who saw that coming is a bold faced liar.
Apollo: Ricky’s slow motion demise is still incredibly powerful. If I may, I’d like to use this space for something more personal. I was still a kid when this film came out. Spike’s films had already planted the seed in my head, and I heard about all this new black kid out of USC doing it, so of course I wanted to see the film. Now I might be slightly off with this number, but the number of times I personally remember my father going out to the movie theater has to be around…5? He has movies he likes now, but they’re not his thing, they’re my thing. So there we were one Saturday afternoon (in Oak Park Mall for you Kansas City people) watching Boyz. My Pops taking me to something I was interested in wasn’t a big deal to me; it’s what I’ve always known. So when Furious made his speech to Tre about listening to him (and watching what happens to Ricky and Doughboy who didn’t have that male influence), it was just part of the movie to me.
Anyway, now that I’m on the other side of the table, I have so much appreciation for what I had. Obviously having a man in the house doesn’t mean automatically mean a boy grows up into a good brotha, not having a man doesn’t mean a boy won’t turn out well. But it’s a conversation I’ve had over and over again with some of my closest friends: having a good man involved in the life of a boy can go a long, long way in creating a good man. (I’m deliberately avoiding the father-daughter influence; go listen to some old John Mayer for that.) As a wrap I’ll say for its various flaws, Boyz N The Hood is one of the better, three-dimensional black films ever made.
The countdown will continue with another landmark film. Until next time…
Most Important Black TV Shows – #4 In Living Color
One of the shows that legitimized Fox as ‘the fourth network’, In Living Color was the brainchild of Keenen Ivory Wayans and his brother Damon. Forever referred to as the black Saturday Night Live, In Living Color was a primetime sketch/variety show with a much more pronounced African-American slant. I pity those of you who didn’t live through it when it aired live. On to the tale of the tape…
Relevance: As the name implies, the sketches, the musical guests, the Fly Girls were all much more representative of the booming hip hop culture that was taking over young black America. While SNL and many other comedy troupes usually have one token actor on staff when the need arises to have a black character, ILC could in many ways tackle deeper issues simply because they had so many black actors (look no further than the Star Trek: the Wrath of Farrahkhan sketch).
Legacy: Pick one from the following list of people, movies, and shows that can be traced back to In Living Color - one of the biggest comedic A-list actors of the 90s (Jim Carrey), an Academy Award winning black actor (Jamie Foxx), the first person to have a number one movie and album at the same time (Jennifer Lopez), The Wayans Brothers (TV Show), Scary Movie and the rebirth of the slapstick genre that followed the original movies’ success…the list goes on.
Craft: Still some of the best comedy seen on television (in my humble opinion). Let me take you back to the first episode: there was the ‘Love Connection’ episode featuring a dead-on Chuck Woolery (Carrey) interviewing Robin Givens (Kim Coles) about her ‘date’ with Iron Mike Tyson (Keenen under great makeup). The first episode also featured the first ‘Men on Film’, where Blaine Edwards (Damon) and Antoine Merriweather (David Alan Grier) reviewed films from ‘a male point of view’. I still remember vividly going to middle school the next day (Monday) and seeing kids doing the ‘two snaps up’ during lunch. This show was as close to an instant comedy classic as it gets.
Crossover: In the same way that SNL crossed over, not necessarily; but in terms of sheer popularity there’s no question it was huge. Fox asked for (and got) an In Living Color halftime show during one of its Super Bowl years. By that point the sight gag of whatever little hat Damon was wearing in his ‘Men On…’ sketches was hilarious enough. Keenen walked out during the show’s run not because of ratings failures but because of a contract dispute (isn’t that how it always goes).
Apollo: The nature of any sketch comedy show is everyone will have a different favorite recurring character/sketch. I’ve written 400 words and still haven’t mentioned Homey the Clown, Fire Marshal Bill, or Cephus and Reecie. Personal favorites for me – Sketch: when Hammer was at his peak, they dressed up Tommy Davidson in the balloon pants and had him do ‘Can’t Touch This’. That visual always busts me up. Character: slightly under the radar, but Damon did this character named Oswald Bates, an ex-con who loves to use big words but never uses them in the right context (“You see, we must EVACUATE, excuse me, EJACULATE my fluid penetration!”) The militant in me always cracks up at that.
(And yes, every sketch I referenced in this review is on YouTube somewhere.)
Next on the TV countdown is a show that had an even shorter run but also became an instant classic. Until next time.
Most Important Black Films – #5 Glory
Glory is based on the true story of the 54th Massachussetts Infantry, one of the Army’s first all black units. Led by Robert Shaw, the unit played an important role in the battle for Fort Wagner (Civil War).
On to the tale of the tape…
Relevance: The real life military unit this film is based on would be more than enough to earn a high ranking in this category right? So how about the trilogy of black actors that headline the 54th: Denzel, Morgan Freeman, and Andre Braugher (in his film debut)? Good Lord…
Legacy: Seems strange to point out 20 years down the line, but this film was a nice career milestone in cementing both Denzel and Morgan as A-list, household names. Seriously, as hard as it is to elevate one black actor to the top of the food chain, how many films in history can legitimately argue they elevated two?
Craft: Morgan Freeman and Denzel Washington throwing down in the same film?!? Come on! Seriously, I was way too young to know if the term ‘Oscar bait’ was being used back then, but with its subject matter and star power, Glory remains a very watchable Civil War film.
Crossover: Denzel’s first Oscar. The film also won Academy Awards for Cinematography and Sound Editing.
Apollo: Trip’s lashing (Denzel’s Oscar scene) is the natural choice; personally I was always moved the most by the campfire scene the night before the battle. That Denzel speech (“Y’alls the onliest family I got. I love the 54th.”) really hits a nerve with me.
The film countdown continues later with the emergence of a new voice…
Most Important Black TV Shows – #5 The Boondocks
Based on the popular satiric comic strip of the same name, The Boondocks follows the lives of the Freeman family. Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman, an old school brother is the patriarch, trying to raise his two grandsons: Huey, a 21st century militant, and Riley, a gangsta rap lovin kid obsessed with the ‘thug’ lifestyle blown up in hip hop. After the deaths of the boys’ parents, Granddad moves them to Woodcrest, a quiet Midwestern suburb (literally and metaphorically as far from the hood as possible).
For having a relatively short run, The Boondocks has made more than its fair share of noise. To understand why it gets ranked so high, it’s on to the tale of the tape…
Relevance: Fans of the comic strip will tell you that Huey and his revolutionary ideals were the centerpiece of the daily arcs. With the transition to television, Huey’s black militant ideals became the fulcrum between Granddad’s traditional (and somewhat out of touch) worldview, and Riley’s commercialized hip hop persona. (Short translation: this show is very relevant in portraying different points of view in the black community.)
Legacy: Because the show is still active, it’s a little early to define what The Boondocks ultimate legacy will end up being. While the comic strip carries the same tone, the increased viewership of the TV show has put a bigger spotlight on one of its trademarks: calling out the hypocrisies and airing the dirty laundry of the Black community. Aaron McGruder is both loved and reviled for what he preaches through Huey. More on this in a minute…
Craft: Comedy, specifically satire, is very hard to pull off but The Boondocks handles it as well as any show with a political leaning. Personal tastes affect everyone’s choice, but ‘The Trial of R. Kelly’ is great satire, great slapstick, great racial humor, AND a great half hour of episodic television. A must watch if you’re not familiar with the show.
Crossover: More than it appears on the surface. Directly related to the ‘Legacy’ breakdown, when you earn the wrath of Rev. Al (and the attention of Nightline), you’ve hit a crossover nerve. While the show was shopped to BET (snickering), landing in the red hot Adult Swim block on the Cartoon Network is also a nod to the show’s ability to reach outside its target demographic.
Apollo: Oh boy. What to choose, what to choose… Hmm… You know, I mentioned the three viewpoints symbolically represented by the three main characters. There’s a supporting character who’s a little more, ahem, extreme in his worldview. An old black man who hates black people. No, I mean, he REALLY hates black people…
“White man just a joy to be around. Smell like lemon juice and Pledge furniture. And look at ‘em, they gave us discipline, jobs…took us out the jungle! And what we do to show our appreciation? We march up and down the street, we VOTE! Ingrates…”
(And those of you who watch the show know that particular Uncle Ruckus rant was fairly tame…)
The TV countdown will continue later with one of the biggest ‘star-making’ shows of all time…
1st Anniversary: Open Letter to My Ex-Wife
In honor of the first anniversary of this blog, I’ve opted to write something personal. Because I know she’s a frequent reader, I’m going to use this space today to speak directly to my ex-wife. The rest of you (who I know enjoy learning more about my private side anyway), enjoy:
Dear XXXXXXXX,
How have you been? It feels like we’ve talked around, but not to each other in a very long time. I’ve had a long year, but I’m still here. I think this is the first time in a long time where everything for me has been about business. I’m setting the stage for the rest of my life, pun intended. I figure you heard that through the grapevine. Anyway, sitting here listening to the Godfather waltz made me think of you, of us. No, I’m not going there, just hear me out…
It really seems like two lifetimes ago now I was courting you and trying to figure out how to get you to like me. We were just kids really, you and I. I don’t feel like I was ‘quiet’ back then; or rather, not quiet the way people who don’t know me perceive me to be. I loved hearing you laugh; I’ve always loved hearing you laugh. And you knew how to encourage my silliness. For the brief period of time we were happily married, we had fun. Well, let me not speak out of turn; I had fun. There were the big ‘events’ of course, but when I think of you, I think of the little things: the way you pouted when I play fought with you, the way you pecked the base of my neck when I did something without you asking, the way you breathed when you slept. Even when things started to go sour, it made me peaceful to watch you sleep. It brought me home more than once.
In retrospect, I’m not amazed the love between us ended. But knowing my personality (and yours), it seems tragic it ended so violently. I can count on one hand the things I’ve wanted more than I wanted a divorce from you. Even you would admit (I think) that we reached a point where I could do nothing right by you, and you could do nothing right by me. My guys didn’t like you, your girls didn’t like me, and that was that. We both wanted to explore the other options we had; I didn’t see you in my future anymore and vice-versa. When we finally separated, all this tension just…released. The freedom to get on with our damn lives.
The Lord works in mysterious ways of course. In hindsight it seems our biggest mistake was getting married too young. My feelings for you at the time were genuine, but we clearly weren’t partners. As I’ve come to learn in the relationships I’ve had since, what was missing in our marriage was trust/respect. We were together, but were we ever really friends? When my friends and I have disagreements, we tend to talk about it, and at worst, agree to disagree. When we fell apart, it exposed there was a basic bond we skipped past to get intimate. I’m not blaming you; it’s a two way street. I have learned that much; I imagine in your relationships you have to.
It strikes me as a little odd that our relationship is better now than it ever was when we were together. Part of getting older I guess. I’ve had more than one flame admit to being intimidated by you, which makes me laugh. Everyone doesn’t age well, but you are as I imagined you would be: attractive, sophisticated, strong. I’m not trying to relive our past, I’m just acknowledging what I found appealing about you in the first place. Whatever you think of how I’ve moved on, you should recognize that when I cast Erica or Samra opposite me in my romantic flicks, I’m paying tribute to that. All things considered, there’s still not that many mainstream artists that portray you as beautiful. I’m part of the solution, not part of the problem.
I don’t hear from you much anymore, so I assume things are well? My father still asks about you now and then. I think he’d still like to see us work things out, but that ship has sailed. It is nice to see you once in a while, to hear your voice, to know life has played out the way you wanted it to. As bad as things were at our darkest point, I would have never imagined we would be civil again. Such is life. Anyway, be good.
M
(P.S., Not too long ago, I found the Alpha shirt you bought me back in the day. Remember the time I tried to explain the Riddle of the Sphinx to you? (wink, wink))
