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My parents celebrated their anniversary this weekend.  I’ve spent more time as of late thinking about both family and marriage.  Specifically, how my generation and their generation treats those institutions.

On one hand, we get our core values from the people that raised us, right?  So from that point of view, marriage obviously still has a value.  But has that value changed over the years?  As much as we joke and offer our criticisms about it, if people are being more honest today about either avoiding a marriage they doesn’t provide them what they’re looking for, or as some brave souls will admit, not having any interest in marriage no matter what it provides, isn’t it in everyone’s best interests that those folks are honest about it?

I have friends who are great people who would probably fall apart if they were forced into a marriage, and I know some who have been in and out of marriages that destroyed their careers or their financial stability or their familes.  Sometimes all of the above.

For the record, I’m a believer in the institution, even in this day and age.  I’m a romantic by nature, and even when I look in the rear view mirror, I see women who have all added something to the table.  As I think about it, the most important thing each of them has added is that I haven’t been completely turned off to the idea of getting married yet.

Anyway, food for thought…

In sports, the Triple Crown is considered the hardest thing to do, whether you’re talking baseball or horse racing.  To even be in a position to have a chance at the Triple Crown, you have to be very good.  To achieve a Triple Crown, you have to be very good and have the right amount of luck.  To repeatedly win or be in a position for multiple Triple Crowns, you are essentially a First Ballot Hall of Famer.

I’m showing off my sports geekdom here, but I believe that life has its own version of the Triple Crown.  The categories are individual happiness (are you comfortable in your own skin?), personal happiness (have you built the home life you wanted?), and professional happiness (have you built the career you wanted?)  Like in sports, the vast majority of us are somewhere between good and excellent in at least one of these areas.  A few of us are above average in 2 out of 3.  To be clicking on all cylinders nearly every time you look in the mirror, every time you go to work and every time you come home is damn near impossible.

I’m not there yet.  But I do see the opportunity to live out my own Triple Crown scenario.  I bust my ass for the things that I have and the things I want, but I marvel at how much chance plays into it.  There have been certain decisions I’ve made along the way to blow up or throw away happiness in one of the three categories I listed.  I wish I could tell you when I stopped being so self-destructive; in all likelihood it was at the point where I decided I wasn’t going to take for granted the various doors and opportunities that I’ve been provided with.  But that’s just a theory.

There’s no moral to this story but I do have a phrase ringing in my head right now: the company you keep.  Going home is MUCH easier when you know the person/people waiting for you are people who love you; a bad day at work is a lot easier to get through when you get along with your co-workers.  And other people can certainly put a dent in your self-confidence, but at the end of the day I don’t believe others can give you self-confidence. 

Ha!  The gospel song ‘We Fall Down’ (Donnie McClurkin) just came through my IPod.  That’s a nice way to wrap this one up (especially in reference to the point about self-confidence).

I find myself going through withdrawal.  There’s a physical aspect of course, getting ready for Ramadan and all.  I’ve already started dropping weight just by skipping snacks and scaling down on my lunches.  There’s also a withdrawal of a deeper level going on.  It’s a weird feeling when you don’t love something as passionately as you used to.  Why does it happen?  What changed?  Sometimes the decision is made ‘for you’, and you have to accept it and move on.  And you haven’t lived until you’ve played yourself trying to hold onto something that’s over.   Sometimes though, it does fall on you.  Is there really a good way to break up?  I’ve never been the type to have a problem riding solo; I don’t think I’ve ever been in an unhappy relationship long term.  I can’t see being trapped in an unhappy marriage for the same reason.  Life’s too short.

I drop all that verbal foreplay to say I’m coming to an end of a long standing relationship in my life.  I still have love for her, but I’m no longer in love with her.  The two things aren’t remotely the same; don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.  The hardest part of ending any relationship really is the Balancing Act.  The Balancing Act of acknowledging I have failed in some way as a man, while at the same time recognizing God has a Plan, and accepting that what’s really meant for me is still to come.  In spite of my racial and religious background, I’ve never been one to have a ‘victim’ mentality.  I’m very much Sam ‘Ace’ Rothstein from Casino.  (And Lord knows I keep running into Gingers, women who I’m convinced I can get to see things my way.  That’s another blog altogether.)  Pride is my deadly Sin; to this point I’ve been able to plot, work, or luck my way out of every major obstacle life has presented me.

Earlier today, I was treated to a Hall of Fame rant from one of my friends.  Someone from his past was trying to make a cameo appearance; I’ve been there.  His rant was so good, I got pissed off at the girl who did me dirty!  I heard this in film school but it completely applies to real life: people are pretty good about remembering who did right by them, 50/50 if you crossed paths but had no effect; and NEVER forget if you did them dirty.  I’ve had a few friends who got engaged a few months after dating their future spouses.  There was a woman in my life who had that effect.  I heard my karma say, “This is it!”  But BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!  So I’ve always understood ‘the spark’ (which is very important), but I also know when the honeymoon is ends, sometimes it really ends.

So it’s been funny to recently get re-introduced to that ‘Hey Now!’ feeling.  That’s not to say I’m on the verge of engagement, that’s not to say I’m not on the verge.  Life is just…exciting.  And interesting.  And I look forward to what tomorrow brings. 

That’s, that’s all for now.