I’ve spent quite a bit of time the past few weeks profusely thanking the people around me. Calling friends, hanging out, sending cards: doing right by those who have done right by me. Nothing extraordinarily good or bad has happened to me (yet), but the desire to be grateful has hit me. Depending on the exact timing, the responses have fallen into one of three categories: 1) humble appreciation of the bond we share, 2) mutual amazement at the extraordinary number of things that had to happen for our paths to even cross in the first place, or 3) the macho ‘I’ll be vulnerable for 1.5 seconds before I have to start acting hard again’ response. The learning curve of who we can trust is different for each of us; my case seems typical for where I came from: Start out trusting no one, you live your life and some bonds are formed and broken naturally, and in the end you have a handful of people that you trust and can talk to about everything.
So one of those handful recently asked me what my ‘social agenda’ was these days. With the understanding that no one will be mentioned by name (of course), I don’t mind telling you what I told him.
Much as in my professional ambitions, I’ve had a very specific image in mind of what the Aziz Family will be. In spite of every myth or stereotype you’ve heard, I’ve actually known my father my entire life, and believe it or not, he’s a really good dude. So that cycle will continue: my children will not only have half of my genetic makeup, they will be raised with my presence and with my value system.
While my foundation is solid, I’m not going to act like my reputation as a bachelor isn’t infamous. I will always bristle when someone refers to me as any kind of ‘pretty boy’ (blame college), and I seriously doubt I’m taking any options away from Idris Elba. But (and there’s really no way for me to say this next sentence without sounding like a Humblebragging douchebag so I’ll just say it) I’ve been blessed with the right mix of look/style/intellect/personality/ambition to have relationships with women outside of my religious group, my racial group, social status, you name it. I can cross over and I have, repeatedly. But being able to do that cuts both ways…
Not long ago I was talking to what I like to refer to as a Dirty Diana. Realistically, I saw no future with this woman. But she had two of my known fatal flaws: brunette hair that flowed down to her shoulders, and a slight (non-American) accent. She could have been a Kardashian cousin (not that uncommon really when you get into the Muslim dating world and the cultures that make it up). But how did I know there wasn’t a future? She couldn’t keep me interested intellectually. So I just smanged a couple times, then went with the old ‘Yeah so I’m married, is that a problem?’ line to get out of it.
(KIDDING, KIDDING. I believe in karma people, come on! We friend zoned each other up.)
In all seriousness though, most of my time and energy as of late has been with the Liberian Girl types. Fellow intellects, women with a sense of culture, women whose sensuality is both internal and external. Truth be told, it’s been quite…liberating. I know I’ve probably doomed myself to another horror story before it’s all said and done, but there is definitely a comfort level that comes from knowing you view the world through the same prism, and would like the same type of home life. Stressing (or not stressing) over chemistry is much nicer than stressing over “Man am I setting myself up for compromises I have no intentions of making five years down the line?”
So to answer my friend’s original question (since I know he’s a regular reader), like a lot of things in my life, this seems to be naturally working itself out.
Have a safe weekend everybody!