I had a dream to start the week; one of these dreams where as it goes on, you realize you’re not in reality.  I was out somewhere (the Grove maybe?), and I saw my dream girl and her kid.  We hadn’t seen each other in a real long time.  As I was debating whether to approach or keep my distance, she spotted me in the crowd.  Wasn’t really the place for conversation, but she smiled at me.  That smile I fell in love with years and years ago now.  The kid doesn’t know me, no need to know me. But the girl, you know, a part of me will always love her.  So to see her happy, and the kid happy, made me happy.  I mean that.  You know me, I want what’s best for everyone.

Having said that… if we’re being completely honest…selfishly, internally, how I felt underneath was completely…


Maybe I fall in love too much now (ironically).

But maybe I’ve found the right balance between romantic and pragmatic.

The thing about becoming a union guy is the competition goes through the roof.  So as a result, the political knife needs to be as sharp as possible.  That’s the revelation of ‘Malik Aziz’ over the last 12 months: I (for better AND for worse) have taken a strong liking to the political part of getting ahead.  I hesitate to use the word ‘love’ in that scenario, but my mind is turned on, almost all the time now.  Either in using my craft, or to get ahead in my craft.  For my fellow Wire fanatics, I think I’ve become a Hollywood version of Carcetti.   I started as the idealist with huge ambition, now the Game has the guy who asks, ‘How do I get what I want with as little collateral damage as possible?’  Truth be told, I’ve lost more battles than I’ve won this year, but I’m also at the point where none of my losses mean ‘Game Over’, they all mean ‘Now the next time you’re in a similar situation, what will you do differently?’

Maybe I’ve found my place in the world.

Maybe I finally like being one of the guys people want to see on the biggest platform I can get to.

What is my dream now?

One day I’ll win an Oscar.

(wait for it…)

Give the speech where I say ‘all the right things.’

(wait for it…)

Go to the Governor’s Ball.  Talk a little shop, kiss all the right pinky rings.

(wait for it…)

Then go to ‘the spot’.  Where ‘my people’ are waiting.  In my younger, angrier days, I’d walk out to Jay’s ‘Public Service Announcement’.  I’m in a different place now.  When Doug E. Fresh’s ‘The Show’ comes on, you’ll know I’m in the house.  I’ll spend the whole first minute in chill mode, maybe place the Golden Boy down center stage.

As soon as I hear ‘6 minutes, 6 minutes, 6 minutes Doug E. Fresh, you’re on!’…I’m pop locking for the rest of the song.  Yep, still in my Tom Ford tux.  Cause at that point of the night, it won’t be about me, business, politics, or any of my selfish goals.  At that point, it’s about you: the homies, the lovers, the friends.  I won’t name names this year, for the first time I’m genuinely afraid I’ll hurt someone’s feelings if I don’t list them.  But you know who you are.  And you’ll know why I’m showing out at that moment.  Cause you’ll know like you know right now: he ain’t changing!  He’ll get to the top of the mountain, but that nut (as a person) will never change.

And when the party ends, ‘tomorrow’ is another day.  I’ll jump on my wife, make scrambled eggs for the kids.  Call my publicist so we can set up one of those ‘staged but still really cool Morning After My Life Changed Photos’ for the media.  I’ll go halfway up Runyon with my guitar and look at the city I love and think about my next challenge.

Kinda like this:

Happy Holidays gang.  Be safe.  Back to work as soon as 2014 starts…