Tag Archive: ramadan


 

faith

My Ramadan goal this year wasn’t as dramatic as the past few.  I didn’t focus hard on improving my Arabic; I didn’t donate all my excess material stuff to Goodwill.

I came into the holy month in awe that I’ve been able to live my life without destroying ‘my life.’  I’ve also been aware, for quite awhile, that there’s still a lot of middle ground between the ‘highlight reel’ (social media), and my private relationships with family and close friends.  One of the many things I’ve admired about Kaepernick is he recognized quickly that while people mostly respect ‘quiet and serious’, if you allow the vacuum between your words and your deeds grow too large, you risk your message getting flipped into something completely different (looking at you, league I don’t plan to give any more of my money too for the time being).

I wish I had a better term than this, but I adopted a ‘Plus One’ attitude the past few weeks.  Without being phony about it, I made myself more accessible to my neighbors, I hung out with my co workers a little more off the clock, things like that.  There’s really no grand scheme here beyond being more consciously proactive that the person I want the world to see my as is in line with how I treat everyone around me.  Changing the world is cool, changing the world around me feels right, right now.

I appreciate the calls and texts from everyone who didn’t ‘see’ me the past month.  I’m looking forward to what comes next.

Onward.

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shaykh

The official answer to it all is, ‘It is the will of Allah.’

If I go before I resurface next month, Surah 2, verse 286 should be on the front of the program: ‘Allah imposes not on any soul a duty beyond its scope.’

When my mind is quiet though, (which is often now), I feel incredibly fortunate.

At least once a day as of late, I’ve felt overwhelmed with gratitude.

A lifetime (really two lifetimes at this point) worth of experiences that let my family and my people live vicariously through things I could do and places I could go has turned on me; now I have feelings of guilt that I’ve come out of the other end, and somehow, for all the honest mistakes and reckless things I’ve done, I avoided the backbreaking choice that would have put me into a hole I couldn’t climb out of.

This will sound absurd to some, but I don’t know sometimes how I’ve avoided doing anything to turn my bloodline permanently against me.

This will sound absurd to some, but I don’t know how I avoided being reckless to the point of turning my Muslim people against me forever.

The people who don’t represent the same thing I represent but who respect what I’m about; I am embarrassed on a daily basis by how flush I am in genuine relationships.  I continue to do better, but I’ve also come to accept it’s just impossible for me to spend time with everyone I’m cool with.

Leading into this Ramadan, I’ve also accepted that if the law of averages hasn’t derailed me yet, I don’t intend to ruin my own plans.

The peak version of ‘Malik Aziz’ is somewhere in the spectrum between post Mecca Malcolm (part of the world Ummah but sensitive to the concerns of the community I was born into) and Denzel (no desire to be ‘a minister’, but I can use my life and my art and my reputation as the best possible selling point of the type of person my community is capable of creating).

24/7/365 now I hold myself to that standard.  There’s not a lot more to be gained by wondering why life seemed to wait for me to catch up to what I’m trying to achieve.  It’s just time to go for it.

All praise is due to Allah, only the mistakes have been mine.

 

 

livingcolour

One more song…

This is darkly comic now, but in my deep dive of Malcolm’s life there was a 48 hour period last week where I was listening to the full audio of ‘Message to the Grassroots’, and ‘the Ballot or the Bullet’, then Kanye went public calling a slavery a choice and I swear…

Sunday I’ll go into detail about where my head is at before the social media fast.

Have a good weekend.

 

 

Sam-Cooke-ls_3166067k

Liquid lunches and reading and getting up a little bit earlier…almost that time.

I’ve already heard this ‘sign’ from three different places this morning.  Good time for it to be the Song of the Day.

Enjoy.

 

 

prt

Ramadan 2018 is within range.

I have a lot to say, but still a month to go, so for today, patience…

And we party walk…

Enjoy!

 

hasan-minhaj-07

What’s up?

So I don’t have a lot of deep thoughts this Eid. The train is rolling so this will be assorted quick hits…

‘Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King.’  Uploaded to Netflix right around when Ramadan started, so I didn’t say anything that weekend.  But if you haven’t seen it yet, give yourself an hour to watch it.  Funny dude coming from a point of view we still don’t see often enough.

For someone who enjoys social media, I have to say…really didn’t miss it.  I’m back, and I enjoy being plugged in.  Do I need to be plugged in 24/7/365?  Don’t feel like it anymore (this space included).  Definitely shifting more into a ‘when I have something worthwhile to say/share, I’ll do it’ mode…

Having said that, I got all the texts, memes, notifications, songs and more while I was ‘away.’  They were all appreciated.  A lot of important phone calls made the past month.  The Dark Knight persona has served me well, but in terms of the truth of my life, it’s always nice to be reminded I’m not ‘alone’.  Not at all.

The future has never looked better; I’m looking forward to sharing my journey with you in due time.

Peace!

 

 

kenobi

His birthday just passed, but Malcolm has been on my mind a lot heading into this Ramadan.  Not Spike’s dramatization of his life.  Not even Malcolm’s own dramatization, as expressed in the Autobiography.  I’m referring to the thorough breakdown provided in Manning Marable’s great book.

After he was gone, Malcolm’s legacy continues to grow internationally and it’s certainly everlasting.  But in his final days, he was all too aware the organization he gave his adult life to was trying to kill him.  The federal government had its eyes and ears on him (much closer than he probably realized).  He’s still one of the best orators and fundraisers for his cause, but in the immediate aftermath of his life, he left very little for his children financially.  At the end of the day, even the best among us are still human: what does carrying all that stress do to a man’s psyche?

God’s Plan for me to this point has played out as a series of ‘lessons learned from my heroes’: I’m more popular than I ever intended to be, but still have an extremely small inner circle, built on decades of trust and drama free bonding.  Financial stability taking priority over building a family.  The President of the United States is an overt Islamaphobe, but day by day the Resistance meets him with the checks and balances built in the system.

Hope, for the future.

Something I heard this week really struck a chord with me: You can’t be a person of faith and question God’s timing in the same breath.

As I’ve spent the past year locking back into my path, I’ve felt a lot of anger over time lost.  But I can’t have it both ways.  Human emotion shouldn’t be repressed, but at the same time, I shouldn’t let the scope of my ambition blind me to the progress that’s being made toward the endgame.  Even if I’m frustrated with the pace.

God’s timing.  Will of the Force. Trust the Process.  By whatever name you call it, I’ve improved on accepting things as they are (for now) and not as how I think they should be in my mind’s eye.  I’m still here, there’s still time.  I feel balanced in both my personal ambitions and also in doing what I can to serve the generation coming up behind me.

Good mindset to start Ramadan.

See you in June.

 

Picture 2 (2)

First, Kaepernick.  Don’t have much to add here.  My father, uncles, cousins, good friends are all veterans so I’ve always stood for the national anthem out of respect for them.  But if the man doesn’t want to do it, and he’s expressed why he doesn’t want to do it, I’ve been there too.  And I’m the last person to tell someone to do something they don’t want to do for the sake of appearances.

My original topic for this Sunday was going to be ‘black masculinity’, and how everyone from Nate Parker to Jaden Smith are making us think about what that’s meant, historically and what it means right now. As I sit here, my thoughts feel like a work in progress and not a fully formed idea.  Not yet anyway.

So today is as good of a Sunday as any to say ‘Thank You.’  The more personal impetus behind the masculinity idea I’ve been thinking about this week is I had to ask someone for help.  Out of all the demons I’ve beaten, my ego and my pride are the last two I haven’t yet fully conquered.  Everyone has that problem to a degree, but there’s a deeper complex black men are given at birth about not looking ‘weak’.  A lot of brothers with much more serious problems than I’ve ever had never ask or seek out the help they need because they don’t want to look like a ‘punk’.  I promise I’ll come back to this topic (on a large scale) before the year is out.

A lot of trial and error, but swallowing my pride is easier for me now because I’ve spent a significant part of my life surrounding myself with quality people and attracting like minds.  Ali passing at the beginning of Ramadan and the rise of Trumpism took me from year 4 of my 5 year plan to be a more vocal advocate for my community to year…11; but the pieces of my life had already fallen into place before things beyond my control happened.

So thank you to all of you who contribute to, support, and encourage me to be ‘MALIK AZIZ.’  The Wyandotte folks, the Jayhawks, the Trojans, the Ummah, the Frat; the music geeks, the film geeks, the nerds, the artists, the activists, the politicos; the Romantics who work for true love and friendship over notches on an imaginary belt or friend list, the old heads who worry for the kids coming up behind us and are determined to do what you can to make it easier for them than it was for us.

You all matter to me and I appreciate you.  I carry the public image of a loner, but I’m reminded daily how many people have my back.

cassius

Relieved.

Way back when, I was an intensely serious child.  Most everyone admired me for it, in different ways.  I was intelligent.  I was curious.  I was ‘angry’, in the sense I was fascinated by all the whys and hows of what brought all of us to where we are.  I was an avid student of Black history.  Hollywood history.  American history.

It’s always the little, ‘insignificant’ details you remember.  At some point, during senior year as we were saying our goodbyes, one of the guys said to me simply, ‘We all love you and definitely need to have brothers like you around.  But don’t forget to have some fun.’

That’s how it started, it was really that simple.  A lot more often, my choices became a reflection of someone who could take the weight of the world off his shoulders once in a while, and enjoy this life.  Spending a spring at the Playboy Mansion. The ‘Tony Montana Dream Weekend’ in South Beach. Dinner dates with WWE Divas.  And a million other episodes I’ve either genuinely forgot about, or deliberately refuse to talk about publicly.

So I’ve had fun. Too much fun? That’s debatable. Fun at the cost of other things? Sure, but even at my least responsible, I always accepted every decision I make comes with a price.

I have been doing this long enough to accept the question, not in my own mind, but in the minds of others, of whether I still had it in within myself to be the completely focused, passionate, articulate and intelligent, socially conscious and driven boy I was when so many friends, family, and mentors invested in me, and told everyone who would listen ‘Malik is the one who’s going to ‘do it’ and he’s not going to sell out what he stands for to get there.’

So I’m relieved.

I’m relieved I’ve lived long enough to grow from a pure ideologue into a three dimensional human being.

I’m relieved more often than not I’ve surrounded myself with people who gave me the latitude to grow, to make mistakes and learn from them.

I’m relieved that I’m able to live my life on my terms without doing major harm to anyone else (to my knowledge).

I’m relieved I’ve found avenues that allow me to honor those who came before me, and ideally allow me to do things that will benefit the next generation of people who look like me or have names like mine.

I’m relieved I’ve been able to build a personal and private life where the only agenda is ‘Do we enjoy each other’s company? Do we have a good time together? Do we support each other’s dreams?’

I’m relieved I’ve lived long enough and worked hard enough to get to the point where all the different elements that make up my life finally complement each other.

I’m relieved that while I know something will eventually go bad, on the whole I’ve grown into a man who enjoys life and loves life and is motivated to keep going.

All praise is due to Allah, only the mistakes have been mine.

Eid Mubarak.

Back after 4th of July weekend.

jrmafia

The countdown to Ramadan has begun.

I’ll go into it in more detail before my annual interwebs exile, but in short: everything is, or is very very swiftly where it’s supposed to be.  Including yours truly.

So I’m in the mood to give you 20 or so ‘fun’ songs before I leave you, but, you know how I am now.  Always in the moment. We’ll see how it goes.

But today I feel good, so…

Enjoy!