The Malik Aziz Foundation was created last night with the mission statement of promoting the unifying ideals of the human race through arts and entertainment.  For the first time, the Board of Directors have decided to present awards (‘the Zeezys’) to those who have best embodied the Foundations ideals for the past calendar year.  Without further adieu, the 1st Annual Zeezy Awards…

The John Cena Award (given to the individual who is by all accounts a nice guy but who I just can’t stand):

The first Zeezy was a unanimous decision; congratulations Tim Tebow! In all fairness, I have to confess that I do believe ‘winning’ is an attitude that can be contagious (with all due respect to Charlie Sheen). And my distaste really has nothing to do with his religion (sincerely). It comes down to this: he’s the star quarterback of the team that caused me more ulcers than any other in my childhood.  I’ve seen improvement over the past few weeks but the overhypeness of this cat turns my stomach.  You know why every sports analyst save for Skip Bayless chuckles after Broncos highlights?  CAUSE EVERY FOOTBALL FAN WORTH A DAMN CAN SEE THIS IS A TEAM WITH A GOOD DEFENSE AND AVERAGE RUNNING GAME WHO KEEPS GETTING AN ABSURD AMOUNT OF BREAKS!!!  Like I said, at least the kid is genuinely humble.  If he was more Favre-like I would have thrown a TV by now…

While we’re throwing our wrestling references…

The Rock Award (given to the wrestler who grabs a hold of the zeitgeist)

goes to C.M. Punk.  The storyline was (bad guy) C.M. Punk was tired of being looked over in favor of (good guy/poster boy) John Cena.  Punk’s argument was that everyone could clearly see he was a better wrestler, but the reason Cena kept getting breaks was because he was such a kiss ass. (And as I typed that statement out, I just realized why so many people gravitated toward it.)  Anyway this led to a title match in Punk’s hometown of Chicago.  Now I grew up in Arrowhead on Monday nights, I’ve been in Allen Field House and the Coliseum when they’re rocking.  I’ll tell you what, I’ll put this ‘home field advantage’ up there with the best of em:

He’s not just the ‘Best in the World’ folks; he just won his first Zeezy!

Favorite Book of the Year:

At times sad and painful to read, Manning Marable’s thoroughly researched book on brother Malcolm reminded all of us, those who idolize him and those who use him as a symbol of hate, that in the end, he was a man, a human being who made mistakes and had flaws like the rest of us.

Craziest Blog of the Year:

On the other end of the literary spectrum is what’s affectionately known as ‘the Ghostface Blog.’  I’ll let you find the exact link if you’re curious due to the strong language of the writer; just know this was another landslide Zeezy award winner.  I’ve definitely reached the age where I feel the hip hop I grew up on has come and gone; this blog takes the sentiment and runs buck f##kin wild with it.  Whether it was the widely circulated ’10 Softest N###as in the Game’ post, or the ongoing, unabashed hatred and disdain for a certain young light skinned MC from Canada, this blog is just…crazy!

Video Game of the Year:

Sure I’m biased as I’m an adult who if I’m lucky only has time for one game a year at this point (if I’m lucky), but THIS was the one game I had to play.  The story wasn’t as ‘groundbreaking’ as Arkham Asylum, but the open gameworld and the side missions put this game on the ‘must play’ list for any Batman fan.

Movie I Most Look Forward to Rewatching on Cable 10,000 Times: 

One of the oldest but best hypotheticals is “How much of our lives do we really control and how much of what happens to us is ‘destiny’?”  The Adjustment Bureau gave us a really nice spin on this question, changing it to ‘What if you met ‘The One’ but you weren’t supposed to meet them?’  Props on this movie working goes to the casting director too, Matt Damon and Emily Blunt were great together.

The Jessica Alba Award

Every man I know appreciates Rhianna, Paula Patton, even a Kim Kardashian.  But part of that appreciation is in knowing that unless your name is “LeBron” or “Kanye”, you have NO chance of ever pulling a woman like that.

The Jessica Alba Award goes to the starlet who cleans up nice, but also maintains a persona, either on screen or off (ideally both), that hypothetically if you had to make an emergency run to the Whole Foods on Fairfax because you ran out of that organic toothpaste that you like, and you got stuck in the wrong line, so you casually start chatting up the cutie in front of you, and SHE was the cutie in front of you, and you recognize her but don’t make a big thing out of it (which she appreciates), and she compliments you on your Lakers hoodie and what you think of this whole Chris Paul fiasco, and you say it’s a mess but the Lakers always seem to come out alright, and you ask her if she goes to the games and you discover she’s a sports fan too, and she asks if you go to any games, and you say you go when you can, and the line’s not moving so she asks about the bandage on your finger, and the truth is you’ve been practicing twice a day on your guitar for this bluesman role you were going for, but even to another actor saying you’re an actor comes off pretentious, and you don’t want to put all your cards on the table right away anyway, so you make up this story about how you were making stuffed peppers and you read in GQ that you can do it with red bell peppers so you tried it, but the red peppers don’t cut as easily and there you go, and maybe she believes that story and maybe she doesn’t, but either way you went full Dimple and she sees you’re a little self deprecating which she likes.  So after you both check out you exchange info and you think “Man I really have a shot!”

So long story short the Jessica Alba goes to the starlet who masters the ‘girl next door’ persona.  This year’s winner is…

(What?  No that didn’t really happen I was just saying.  What do you mean that was way too detailed and specific?!?  GET OUT OF MY BUSINESS!!!)

Anyway the winner this year is Emmanuelle Chriqui. I won’t miss Entourage ending, but I’m one of many guys who will miss seeing Sloane on a regular basis.

(What?  Mannnn, I was just telling stories!!!! Let’s move on!!!!)

Hip Hop Album of the Year

Undun.  The Roots.  As I tweeted to questlove in mock disbelief on twitter, I said ‘This…this is an album!!!!”  Nuff said.  As good as that album was, it was no match for…

Concert of the Year

I haven’t been to a concert since the night Prince tore the damn roof off the Great Western Forum, and months later if I don’t do another concert again I wouldn’t be remotely upset.  One of the great showmen, guitarists, and entertainers of my lifetime giving us something we’d always remember for 20 freaking dollars.  Un-real!!!

And finally since we like to look toward the future, the final Zeezy for 2011 is Best Teaser Trailer, given to the trailer that has us most hype for 2012.  I wonder who will win this one…

And on that note, we’ll see you for the 2nd Annual Zeezys next year!