A year ago this past weekend, my life changed for the worse.  The how is no longer important if you don’t know the details.  This is about my reaction.

I’ve never been one to spend too long thinking about my past or contemplating ‘how things could have been different.’  But when a chapter from your past implodes, you can’t help but think about where you’ve come from.  Why was I the one who moved on?  Was there any way for me to still be where I am without this happening? Or, is this part of the price I pay for essentially living the life I want on terms I’m happy with?  I don’t have the answers to any of those questions.  There may not be answers to those questions. But they are questions I consider, more than I used to.

‘Freedom ain’t free.’  The first time I heard that line, a young brother threw it at me in a cipher we were doing on a lunch break.  It’s the simplest line in the world, but it always struck a chord with me.  This isn’t a post about politics, but in the self-proclaimed ‘Land of the Free’, freedom has, is, and will continue to come with some type of ‘price’.  That’s the part of the American Dream you don’t learn as a child.  You figure that out when you’re in the deep end of the pool, and you either swim or you drown.

I learned to ‘swim’ at a young age.  And even when I have my moments when I let myself sink to the bottom of the pool, my instincts and my ‘survival gene’ kicks in, and I’m working my way back to the surface.  As long as I keep waking up in the morning and I have another day to laugh with and love the people I care about, another day to pursue my dreams, another day to just enjoy what I have inside of this moment…I’ll always work my way out of anything that’s thrown at me.  No matter how terrible it may be.

I’m not breaking bad (or at least I don’t think I’m breaking bad…) but this scene stuck with me the instant I saw it, and I love it more each time I watch it.  It essentially defines my mentality a year removed from going to hell, and coming back to reclaim my life.  Whether you agree with the sentiment or not, it’s something worth thinking about.

Until next time.