I know I’m a few days early with this one, but in light of recent events in pop culture, the timing feels right…

In the group of guys that I came up with, there’s a handful of bachelors left.  One of whom is about to get married for the second time.  I won’t use his real name of course, so for the purpose of this post I will refer to him by his nickname: Hostess.

Anyway, for those of us who know Hostess best, his second trip down the aisle isn’t really causing jealousy, but comic relief.  Don’t get me wrong; he’s a great guy, one of the best young brothers I know in fact.  I’ve noted to myself before that Hostess’ take on romance is very similar to my own – when I was in preschool.  Completely idealistic and romantic, ‘today might be the day I meet the woman of my dreams,’ etc.  Imagine what your attitude was like before anyone had ever crossed you.  Hostess is one of those people who gets over it and literally hits the reset button.  There doesn’t seem to be any ‘be careful’ or ‘you remember what happened last time’ voice.  Or maybe that’s my job.  More on that in a minute…

It’s human nature to want to be loved and appreciated.  It’s human nature to want to be accepted.  But you have to, you have to, you have to love yourself first.  And I don’t mean that fake showmanship, that “I’m the Bomb!” crap.  I mean when you’re alone in your thoughts; when you wake up first thing in the morning and look in the mirror, do you really love the reflection that’s staring back at you?  Some people get that love of self instilled early by their parents.  Those are the lucky ones.  Like many people, my love of self is rooted in my faith.  I came to learn that’s not the whole equation though…

While I was growing more comfortable living inside of my own skin, I was often told by family and ‘friends’, that by being myself I wouldn’t be able to attract and keep the kind of woman that would have my back in all things and support me in my life’s work.  I know a lot of people who have gone through or are going through something similar, so let me say, based on my own personal experience: that’s some bulls–t.  The world is a very big place.  We all have disagreements with the people we love from time to time, but if on some basic level, the people you’re sharing your life are disrespecting you, then you really are messing around with the wrong type of person.  I do believe that part is simple, while I acknowledge the path is usually difficult.  That’s what my life has taught me anyway.  I wasn’t one of those people who was born into the support system I would need to have the life I wanted.  Through a lot of trial and error, step by step, ‘brick by brick,’ I’ve built something of a ‘family’.  It can be biological, professional, a group of friends, or (usually) some mix of the three, but I do think it is also essential to have some type of family structure to fall back on.

This is one of those sentences that sounds obvious when you read it, but building those personal relationships are a LOT easier when a) you’ve got your own insecurities under control and b) the people who you’re counting on to look after your best interests really are looking out for your best interests.  Everyone gets lonely or horny from time to time and will compromise for a short term solution.  But I feel when it looks like you may be getting into THE relationship, you damn sure better have you and ‘your house’ in order before you start picking apart what ‘the One’ is about.

And as a part of the Hostess House, I’ve tried to express my sentiments to my friend (for the second time).  Hostess being who he is, he laughs it off and says it’s under control.  He thinks this is the year I’ll be making an ‘announcement.’

Doubtful.  But I guess stranger things have happened.