Family is the ‘why.’

We’re all here as the product of two people, and nearly immediately our expectations and worldview of what ‘family’ is becomes formed.  Do we have someone we call ‘Mother?’ Do we have someone we call ‘Father?’  How do those two people (mis)treat us? How do those two people (mis)treat each other?  Your idea of what ‘normal’ is becomes set before you have any idea there are other alternatives.

But you go out in the world and you are turned on to other ways to go about it.  You see things you’re glad you didn’t experience and go through, and you see things that you want for yourself.  On the journey from here to there of course, you’ll probably have to deal with other people’s expectations of ‘this is what you want’ versus what your heart tells you that it wants.  And that doesn’t even get into how you deal, if you go all in on the spouse and kids and at THAT point, when you’re in too deep to really reverse course completely, you realize you’re waking up miserable with your life.

I don’t have the answers.  I can only tell you how I’ve changed.  Let me rephrase that…I can only tell you how I’ve become.  It ties into the ‘no more dual identities’ thing I talked about previously actually.  At some point between this Ramadan and last, I just decided to be the guy I wanted to be.  I know, that sounds overly simplistic so I have to spell it out a little more.  Somewhere in there, I just hit the ‘amnesty’ button on all of my relationships.  All of them.  Not to say I’ve forgotten any of the good or bad things that have happened (I highly advise against that actually), but on my end at least I went back to whatever initially attracted me to that person (or them to me), and rather than over-analyzing what could or could not happen down the line, I just stay here.  In the moment.  Yes, that’s also an important acting technique, but like I’ve been saying, the circles have been merging into one Life now.  Instead of waiting on the moment where we ‘get there’, I just am a husband/uncle/lover/big brother when we interact.  Tomorrow is promised to none of us anyway right?  That’s how my Supreme Faith relates to family: I will do my part to build or sustain our relationship today with a hope but no expectation of reciprocity from you.  I’ll be the best example that I know how to be for my wife, my family, my community, my world, today.  If you want to help me build what I’m building, cool, let’s enjoy this moment and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.  If you have better plans, I wish you well, I operate in peace.

Next week, Community.